Winter woes
I think I should actually write something. It’s been a few months now, and my tumblr is currently being taken up by my weekly top artists charts, which I’m sure you all find extremely intriguing. “Oh, Elliott Smith, Chi’s most listened artist of the week?! What a bloody surprise!” So, here I am. I wish I could say that I’m loving all this winter malarkey but surely constant rain and bitterly cold wind takes the biscuit a little bit. Especially when you live at the bottom of a giant hill and you need to trek up it to actually get anywhere. I’ve slipped on the leaves a few times, due to the fact that none of my shoes are really weather efficient. So, leaving my flat this winter is practically suicide. I’m sure winter in somewhere like Switzerland is absolutely beautiful. Or…I don’t know, Canada? Alaska? Snowy places? But winter here, well, I don’t really know what to say. Just take a look outside your window, or maybe even take a step outside your door and that’ll answer it for you.
So…Where is my head at the minute? I don’t really know myself. I’ve been living in my flat in Leeds for over a month now. I’m enjoying it, yet at the same time, I feel some what out of place. I’m sort of floating, I don’t feel like I belong anymore. When I go back to my mum’s house it doesn’t feel as homely as it used to; sure, it’s familiar but something’s missing, and my flat certainly isn’t really my home either. Well, not yet anyway. I’m currently going through one of those spells, you know, where you don’t really want to be around other humans, you don’t really want communication with anyone else except for your own conscience. I’ve been locked in my room for a few days now, well, coming out for the obvious of course; uni, something to eat. But I can’t explain how I’m feeling, it’s a bit like I have a heavy weight in my skull, like perhaps my brain has swollen up from all the endless thoughts of both pointless and relevant things, expanding and weighing me down, throbbing like a second heartbeat. I don’t ever want to leave my bed, and that’s not only due to the fact that my radiator takes 24 hours to heat up so I can never be bothered, I think it’s because I feel like it’s my little sanctuary, somewhere I can close off from the world. When I put my duvet over my head, it feels like I’m not there, like I’ve disappeared, somewhere into my mind.
So that’s it really. Other than that, music’s looking up. I finally got myself a manager, a great one at that, and a potentially brilliant year lies ahead of me. I just need to get myself out of this rut and things will be dandy again.
I just wish I knew where to start…
