I feel like a boy.
I’m becoming male. Not literally, of course, but more mentally, and characteristically. I moved to Leeds in September to start a degree in Music Technology, a male orientated course. I have not made any female friends since I moved, and next year I am moving into a house with four other boys. I spend my time getting high with these boys and watching Arnold Schwartzenegger films, laughing at stupid things and sitting around listening to rock n roll records. Since my cash flow is rather…limited, I haven’t been able to buy myself any nice new clothes; this has led to me not bothering so much with my appearance anymore. I haven’t even been window shopping. I don’t wear make up, I wear jeans, tshirts, heavy jumpers and converse. I do nothing to my hair except wash it (at least I still do that though hey?) My sense of humour is changing, my vocabulary is becoming slightly more vulgar…I could go on, but I think you get the idea. I’m not sure what to make of this change, it’s a strange one. I think I’m gonna try and make more of an effort in the New Year; wear more dresses again and live out the correct stereotype of my gender, because this change has had a knock at my confidence. I feel invisible. I look at myself and I think “My God, what a state.” every day, yet I make no effort to do anything. I may have become “one of the lads” but I’m still a girl, all sensitive and mushy, so there you go. I need a girly kick up the arse.
