Monster.
If there’s something I really don’t miss about being involved with someone, it’s the whole being “sucked in” thing. You know, everything is about that other person. All you do is think about them, you feel all uncomfortable and needy. You feel that tiny, dreaded pang of jealousy when they’re talking to some girl who looks like she’s just strutted off the catwalk. Everyone gets that pang of jealousy, deny it if you like, but you know you do. And I hate it. Certain people deal with it better than others, but I hate the thought of having to even deal with it in the first place. I’ve realised that being involved with someone is quite a panicky affair. Well, me personally anyway, after the initial “honeymoon period”. Arguments, other girls/boys, the pressure of being committed, the pressure of not losing the person involved…It’s all too much. When you’re alone, you don’t get any of that. You don’t watch yourself slowly transform into an insecure, obsessive monster. Because that’s what love is really, an obsession. What I’m trying to get at is, I’m scared. I’m scared of all that happening again, because I know being involved drains me so much each and every time…But does that mean I need to keep dismissing everyone who comes into my life? It’s almost impossible. We’re human…There’s nothing we can do about it except watch as it happens over and over again. So here I am again, about to take a dive back down the rollercoaster.
Fingers crossed.
