How to Disappear Completely
I feel really weird. Not physically, like a hard-boiled egg, more mentally. To be honest, when do I not feel anything mentally? I’m always thinking. My brain is forever processing pointless information. Hard-boiled eggs feel a bit like eyeballs. And yes, I did just prod my eyeball just to make sure…There we go, more pointless information. I’m in one of those strange moods where I’m not sure what to feel. I think it’s because so much is happening in such little time, both music-wise and personally, everything at once. It’s all a bit too much for me, and sometimes all I want to do is sit alone in the house for a couple of days with a good book and absolute silence. When I say “alone”, I mean alone. And when I say “absolute silence”, I mean absolute silence. I find everything a bit overwhelming at the moment, and everything is getting so serious. I want to be able to close my eyes and not see or think anything, but at the moment, even my dreams and my sub-conscience are scattered and muddied up like dirty puddles all over my brain. I recently found a way of temporarily clearing my mind; lying on my bed, on my back, staring at the ceiling, with my favourite music. Usually Elliott Smith or Sparklehorse does the trick. Sounds a bit odd… most people listen to music passively; when they’re cleaning their room, when they’re trimming their toenails, when they’re writing blogs on Tumblr… But I find I can just lay there and just listen to all the words, all the melodies and harmonies, and just disappear and forget my existence. Sometimes I wish I could just be completely forgotten for a short while. Just a short while.
“I’m not here; this isn’t happening.”
